Updated: A definitive list of Ghislaine Maxwell’s possible spouses

Thanks to Jimmy for suggesting Vlad the Impaler, the inspiration for Dracula. We would also like to add the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson and Courtney Love.

Hey Fergie, you’ve remarried. Move out.

Ghislaine Maxwell won’t tell the Southern District of New York who she is married to, so we put together a highly speculative list of potentials.

Jax Taylor

Jax “Rot in Hell” Taylor: The Vanderpump Rules bad guy is already married but could he have married Epstein’s co-conspirator during a wild weekend in Vegas in the 1990s? This is entirely possible. Are they still married? Knowing Jax, he probably forgot to sign the divorce papers, so he’s a potential bigamist & she is dumped.

Oh look! It’s Gwen!

Did she meet Ghislaine at a vaginal egg summit? Entirely possible. Was she at the exclusive Reddit party where everyone knew Ghislaine was trafficking children? We say yes to that too.

Charlie Sheen

This is truly a match made in hell by Satan. He’s the only person we think is as scary as Ghislaine. He is the perfect match for Epstein’s coconspirator. Winning!

Kody Brown

The Sister Wives beau already has four wives, so what’s one more? The Brown family lives near the wilderness of Arizona, so Ghislaine might fit right in or not??? Will she frighten the Mormon wives, hell yes!

What can we say? They have a lot in common. We even have a photograph of them together.

Congratulations Ghislaine!


  1. Who’s this agent Haddin or Hardin or is it Hadding??? Your accent is making it difficult to break the actual name down.. and who is this agent anyway.


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